I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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