I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
