I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
