You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
