NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
