There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
