So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
