Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
