Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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