Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
