Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
