woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
