I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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