I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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