is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
