I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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