I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
