if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
