I cockslap morals
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
