My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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