On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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