"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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