Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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