I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
