I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
