i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
