her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
