How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
