I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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