he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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