So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
