Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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