so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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