just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
