Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
