I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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