Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
