i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think people are normalizing furries
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
