Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Randomize
