Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
