Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
