My Higher Power is John Stamos
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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