Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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