he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
