just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
