Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
