Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
