My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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