i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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