I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I would fuck him just for his dog
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
ok first of all what the fuck
I see more hoeing in ur future
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