your parents love me but you hate me
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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